ICYMI: Thielen breaks Packers fans minds

Photo courtesy of vikings.com

Welcome to the ICYMI Series- Where our 36-year old owner opines on narratives from around the Minnesota Vikings/NFL zeitgeist, typically far after social media has moved on.

I’ll be the first to admit that despite the fact that I run and own what somehow has become the largest Minnesota Vikings news network, with sites that dwarf the competition despite the fact that I can’t seem to fully grasp the English language in it’s written form… I’m not that big on Vikings social media.

Case in point, I only started my own Vikings Twitter account last year and have updated it about as often as I update my Wii fit account (“Welcome Back! Since your last visit you’ve gained… The mass of a dying star? That can’t be right”).

But sometimes I do delve into the cesspool that is NFL Twitter, mainly so those of our readers who have mothers who want to spend time with them don’t have to.

With that comes the new ICYMI Series which plans to get its hands plenty filthy so, again, you don’t have to.

I felt that it was only appropriate to drag Green Bay Packers fans with the first entry in this series as … It’s just fun. I find the rivalry aspect of NFL fandom to be one of the more gratifying aspects of the experience, just ask the people of Buffalo or Philadelphia how that is going for me thus far.

38 comments? That’s like … carry the two… 38 times the tourism industry of Buffalo!

Today’s entry comes courtesy of Detroit Lakes own native son Adam Thielen, who recently summed up what it’s like to play at and witness a game from the “bleacher seats” of Lambeau Field.

As you can see from the comments there, people/worthless stock “owners” from Green Bay didn’t find much humor from Thielen’s breakdown of their broken down stadium.

Which makes this all the more hilarious. I mean, obviously Lambeau is one of the most famous stadiums in all of sport. It’s the true 12th-man, as the combination of freezing temperatures and 19th-century ambiance makes for a hellish experience for any team not fully up on their tetanus shots. So, of course opposing players are going to use those things against it.

It’s how this all works, people. I may be projecting here but people don’t seem to understand that rivalries (based on the offense of… GASP… not happening to be born where I was! is all tongue-in-cheek part of the fun). But if you were to read the above-linked Bills message board and their collective response to Diggs “being Diggs” (which to them is akin to sainthood because he got what he wanted, for now, from them)? I literally just asked for whatever the opposite of wings are while defecating in the barrel the mayor of Buffalo uses to go over Niagara Falls each election (which is how I presume they elect leaders there).

I’ve never been to Buffalo, thank god. Just as I’ve never had unnecessary and fully lucid surgery. But I’m sure both are awful. See? Jokes. I’m sure Buffalo is just fine just as I’m sure anesthesia free surgery is also, necessary if you want to rock a Bills jersey. My money would go toward a lobotomy (that focuses on the part of the brain that handles taking a joke).

But back to my legitimate dislike for Lambeau.

Clearly it’s got a curse of it’s own, with the two back-to-back Hall of Fame quarterbacks that have played there since the first Bush administration only mustering two Super Bowls and as many late-career ‘LET MY PEOPLE GO’ esque pleas for mercy.

Sure, we Minneapolitans only have our empty trophy cases, first class standard of living and world class stadium with an exterior that “only” has to be replaced as often as our offensive coordinators, but we don’t have that history (or subsequent lower back problems that come from the combination of an average Wisconsin BMI and aforementioned bench seating).

Thielen knows (and gets that) part of his job not just as a Viking but also as a born-and-bred Minnesotan is to drag the Packers as often as possible, so let’s tip our caps to him for doing such a masterful job this week while we circle our calendars for 2035 as Jordan Love’s estimated tolerance for Wisconsin living hits crisis levels.

By then we’ll still be only an offensive line away from our first Super Bowl in Adam Zimmer’s 12th year as head coach, and US Bank Stadium will be retrofitting the outside of the stadium with a 100% recycled birds that it attracted and killed carcass finish.

At least we won’t have to bring those ass pads with us to each game. Because I’m sure the NFL will find a way to charge an ass pad licensing (and considering the above reference to the Wisconsin BMI? MANDATORY Cleaning) fee.