I understand that this story breaks your heart, but Teddy Bridgewater has only ranked fourth in jersey sales, as of noon yesterday.

Obviously, this is a travesty that needs to be fixed.

I mean, even from an aesthetic perspective, just look at them:

Teddy Bridgewater Jersey

Works of art.

On the other hand, the jerseys beating out Teddy H20 are Johnny Manziel, Michael Sam and Jadeveon Clowney. You’d think I’d understand and be sympathetic—after all, Manziel is the most exciting college player since Cam and before that, Tebow. Michael Sam holds extraordinary cultural significance. Jadeveon Clowney was the first pick in the draft.

But screw that. Have you seen their jerseys? I won’t publish that filth on this blog.

 

No need to disappoint our dapper young quarterback of the future.

Dapper Young Man

If you’re not the kind of person who is into buying rookie jerseys (at NFL Shop), which I understand—people have asked me about whether or not they should buy Ponder, Patterson or Rhodes jerseys and I told them to hold off—you could always invest in one of the snazzy New Era Hats that both he and Anthony Barr were wearing, or the even snazzier mod they have in the NFL Shop. It seems that the NFL has a deal with New Era, as the “2014 Draft Cap” collection is the only hat that these new draft picks have been seen in.

Snazzier Mod

I’m not typically a corporate shill (though that Subway post was too cool to pass up), but these hats (if you’re into the flat/wide brim style) have reflective material, that reveal a mosaic of the team logo and words when exposed to a camera flash or other high-intensity light.

New Era Hats

I don’t know, man. I just hate losing. Even if it’s a jersey sale contest.