Once again, infamous reader “Tomb” is back with some spontaneous satire. Considering this week saw The Onion try to lampoon Chris Kluwe, only to be out-Onioned by Kluwe himself, the timing fits. Yeah, slow news week.. Enjoy!
the Tombion: All the satire, none of the originality.
Rick Spielman Reaches Uncomfortably Far Across Table to Pass Christian Ponder Ketchup.
Eden Prarie—At a team luncheon, Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder quietly asked for someone to pass the ketchup. Though three people were positioned close enough to the bottle to be able to comfortably and easily provide it to him, Rick Spielman abruptly leapt up and extended ridiculously far across the table to grab the bottle and send it Christian’s way.
“I’ve been to plenty of these luncheon deals,” an unnamed source proffered, “but I’ve never seen anybody pull anything like that. I mean, the guy was up on his tip toes. We’ve all heard rumors about Al Davis; that he’d actually get up on the table on all fours to reach for the ketchup, but I’ve never actually seen it, so this, to me, ranks as the biggest reach I’ve personally witnessed.”
Spielman reportedly did not, however, reach for the check.