Dear Santa -
It's me, your old Pal Fragile Freds to write you his annual letter of things that Freds would like to find under the tree for Christmas. So, here goes:
1) Freds would like to see Denzel return as the Viking head coach. Ziggy made a mistake hiring yet another head coach with zero head coaching experience, but at least this one has hair, and seems like a good guy. Denzel should be required to make a significant change next year, which leads Freds to his second wish.
2) Ziggy should tell Denzel, either you scrap the defensive scheme and hire a defensive coordinator with experience and a new scheme or it's bye bye Leslie. This defense blows, Santa. It's way to passive and doesn't allow players to make big plays, Freds doesn't give a crap that we "keep everything in front of us", a slow death with no take aways is no way to live.
3) Santa if you don't deliver your old pal Fragile an offensive lineman with the first pick of the draft, Freds is going to hop in his sleigh, fly to the north pole and kick your sorry ass. Sorry Santa, but you know.
4) Santa, please deliver at least 3 starting free agents next year. One more offensive lineman, one defensive back and...oh hell, one more offensive lineman.
5) Santa as in past years, Freds would like the rest of his gifts given to others, so Freds would like you to give the following:
6) Erin Henderson should be given the gift of talent (a ton of talent if you would).
7) Asher Allen should be given the gift of a one way plan ticket.
8) Joe Webb should be given a fresh new baseball cap to ensure dude never sees the field as a QB.
9) The return of Pat Williams. I know Fat Pat is done as a football player Santa, but who cares? Freds misses Pat and always loved his energy and his fast talkin' jibber jabber.
9) Coach Buds should be given the gift of Donovan McNabb as a house guest. Good lucking getting that fat bastard out of your house Buds.
So much more to ask for Santa, but seeing that Fred never gets a damn thing from you, well then what's the use?
Remember what your old pal said about that first round draft pick? He ain't kidding. Freds will fly up there to the north pole so fast it will make those deviant little elves of yours blush. GET FREDs THAT OFFENSIVE LINEMAN!
You're old Pal Fragile
Freds will leave a case of Colt 45 out for you. You're welcome.