The Vikings Fan’s Guide to the Super Bowl

Super Bowl

Here it is, gang: yet another Super Bowl in which the Vikings will not participate. I’d say it’s a disappointment but I’d be lying—the squad began its collapse early enough in the season that we’ve all had ample time to pour out a Hamm’s for what could have been and move on. Heck, much of Vikings nation has already migrated to draft preparation, and while I can’t yet bring myself to get excited for an event that’s still three months away, I understand the desire to put 2016 behind us and look forward to a brighter future.

Still, there’s a game left to play, and this one’s a doozy. Super Bowl LI pits a squad of unlikely newcomers against the game’s modern dynasty, and if that doesn’t get you excited, perhaps you should consider shifting gears and finding one of the few remaining spots on the Minnesota Wild bandwagon. But for me, football always wins, and this Falcons/Patriots Super Bowl is one heck of a matchup. On one hand, you have Goliath; a Hall-of-Fame quarterback/coach combination that seems to conjure highly productive skill players out of the ether and probably needs a separate team facility to house their entire trophy collection. On the other, David; the lowly Falcons, who…have the likely NFL MVP and led the league in scoring?

Okay, so maybe this isn’t an underdog story of biblical proportions. The game pits the NFC’s highest scoring team (33.8 points per game) against the AFC’s (27.6), and the bookies in Vegas set the spread at a modest three points in favor of the Patriots. BUT, the Pats have easily been the NFL’s most dominant team since the turn of the century, making seven Super Bowl appearances (counting this year) since 2002 and winning four. How many times have the Falcons made it to the big game in that timeframe? Zero. In fact, their last Super Bowl trip was in 1999, when they…well, maybe we don’t go down memory road on that one, okay? Okay.

The point is, despite Atlanta’s considerable firepower and their savory 44-21 drubbing of the Packers in the Championship round, they still feel like the clear underdog against New England. Let’s take a closer look at the matchup.

The Game

Atlanta Falcons vs. New England Patriots

Date/Time: Sunday, Feb. 5, 5:30 p.m. CT
Where: NRG Stadium, Houston, TX
TV: FOX
Line: Patriots -3

The Vikings slant:

Simple: for the Vikings, it’s about the Falcons. As Austin adroitly pointed out last week, Atlanta mimicked Minnesota’s bumbling 5-0 to 8-8 collapse a season earlier. And one year later, they find themselves in the Super Bowl. As a Vikings fan chronically prone to hope-clinging, the Falcons’ turnaround has already given me a glimmer of faith in the future of our squad, but a Lombardi trophy would be the cherry on top of the vicarious sundae.

And, as I mentioned before the Championship round, the Patriots are unlike the Vikings in most every way. They’ve had stability at the quarterback position for more than a decade, and their personnel department habitually avoids costly mistakes, and they have a functioning offensive line. Quite the opposite of the purple, in my opinion.

Plus, the Falcons are the underdog. We have to root for the underdog. It’s in our blood.

So Atlanta it is. Put aside your lingering resentment for the likes of Morten Andersen and Chris Chandler, and free yourselves from the painful memories of 1999. It’s been 18 years, and it’s time to move on.

X’s and O’s:

I have very little to offer in this category beyond “the team with the bigger number at the end of the game will win!” but I want to look at one potentially interesting wrinkle in the matchup. Bill Belichick is a master of taking away what opposing offenses do well—it’s the thing that separates him the most from his contemporaries, and what has allowed him to get an edge in so many big games. Conventional wisdom would indicate this means taking away the Matt Ryan/Julio Jones connection, and that taking Jones—possibly the NFL’s best receiver—out of the game would cause Atlanta’s offense to sputter. That was my theory, anyway, until I saw this:

Nice stat from Peter King (or Peter King’s dog, based on the avatar?) there, and it actually falls in line with what we saw in the Championship round. Even before Jones started going off on the Packers (late first half), the Falcons were driving down the field with ease by throwing the ball to obscure white running backs and other guys you’ve never heard of. Their offense is good enough to thrive without Julio playing a big role.

So what does this mean? I have no idea. Let’s check in on some of the weird bets that are being offered during the game.

Best prop bets:
  • Odds on what color Gatorade will be poured on the winning coach:
    Orange: 7/2
    Blue: 15/4
    Clear/Water: 4/1
    Purple: 6/1
    Yellow: 13/2
    None: 10/1
    (Sam’s call: avoid clear, it’s a sucker’s bet. None is tempting as well, but this feels like a yellow year.)
  • Odds there is a Microsoft tablet malfunction: 6/1
    (Sam’s call: normally I wouldn’t bet on technology failing, but this is a Windows platform we’re talking about. Take the bet.)
  • Odds a participating player is arrested during Super Bowl week: 15/1
    (Sam’s call: the Bengals are not participating. No on this one.)
  • Odds there is a brawl in the stands amongst the fans: 1/5
    (Sam’s call: Patriots fans fancy themselves morally superior BUT are also from the Boston area, i.e. prone to being over-served and throwing punches. A brawl here is relatively safe.)
  • Odds Rob Gronkowski plays in the Super Bowl: 1,000/1
    (Sam’s call: this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.)
  • Over/Under times Robert Kraft and family are shown during the game: 2.5
    (Sam’s call: are you kidding me? The cameras love that two-tone collar. Over.)
How to watch:
  • Cheer for Atlanta, yes, but don’t get too invested. Begrudgingly appreciate Brady’s greatness and the fact that he can make Chris Hogan productive in the NFL.
  • Attend, or throw, a social event centered on the game. Make it fun. Revel in another game in which you have no rooting interest.
  • Leave the room in protest every time another terrible Geico commercial comes on. This is a great time for bathroom breaks.
  • Avoid the halftime show. Remember: it’s not for football fans. It’s for the rest of America.
  • Watch for the awkward trophy exchange between Roger Goodell and Robert Kraft if the Patriots win. This will be must-see TV.
  • When the game is over, finish that beer and sit for a moment in appreciation that we have now reached our favorite part of the NFL schedule: the offseason, in which every team is undefeated and hope reigns supreme.
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